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Aug. 13th, 2020

rima, default

welcome to wonderland

locked

hello there.
this is callie's journal. her online notebook of notes.
she has a short fuse so please respect the girl.
state your opinions but be courteous. or she will throw you out.
entries related to her fanfiction will be public. entries related to her original fiction are not.
ramblings about her personal life are restricted to her friends only.
so what's stopping you?
do you want to know the girl behind the name? or is the name all you're satisfied with?
welcome to wonderland
welcome to my world

Apr. 19th, 2016

angst

pieces


Old songs and memories of some summer we forgot, or that we're trying to forget, but who knows because I know and remember it as a dream that was for 2 to 4 to 8 hours at a time present and then gone all the same like all things we wake up from and try to remember in the wee hours of the morning or in the darker moments just before we're left at the bottom of some stairwell or in some bed corner not knowing that we're waiting for something that never came.

We dreamt of dancing one night

Remember?

In the grass on the dock of your cousin's pier while I sang to you shooting at bottles with an air gun you lay there holding my hand under the table cloth secretly as we listened to scary stories in the dark waiting for the right moment in the homily to kneel down before the grace of God and hold hands to the Beatles on the beach watching the waves crash over us over and over again running through that California outlet mall like it was the last time before...

Before I stood there, waiting for someone to take me away from you in the front seat of a car looking out through the back wondering if it had all been a dream and if you had kissed me hello or goodbye...

Jan. 20th, 2016

angst

wake me up

Growing up, I was always the weird one. I lived on the West coast before moving to the Midwest and had been exposed to so many different things as a kid than my friends. I read a lot of manga and watched subbed anime. Eventually, I started cosplaying.

My childhood friends always took my weirdness in stride, even going so far as to read manga with me. They liked to play JRPGs and watch dubbed anime, and we bonded over our shared interests.

With this new wave exposure to anime subculture brought about by the popularity of shows like Attack on Titan, One Punch Man, and Fairy Tail, and the increasing popularity of anime conventions and cosplay, my childhood friends realized that maybe I wasn't so weird after all. They knew exactly who they could talk to about the latest episode of whatever series they were watching.

Right before I left for the Philippines, one of my friends greeted me with a hug before asking the same question I'd heard from him for the past six months. "Have you seen One Punch Man?" He knew I hadn't gotten around to watching it, but this time, he remembered and gave me an apologetic smile before eagerly turning to my brother to talk about the show.

Some time later, he turns to me again and says, "Hey, who do you think I should cosplay?"

Very few of my childhood friends expressed an interest in the one hobby that sets us apart. A few of them have dressed up with me to go to a con, but none of them expressed the same level of enthusiasm that I do. At the time, I was shocked, but I gave him an honest answer.

"You could cosplay anybody," I said. "Especially pretty boy main characters. You are perfect for that."

He gave me a wide, happy smile, excited by the idea. "I want to go to a con and cosplay with you! Will you help me?"

We briefly talked about going to Tokyo in Tulsa, my hometown convention, this summer before joining a discussion on anime with some other people we were with.

This morning, my mother asked me to sit down. I desperately wish this was a nightmare, but it's not. Daniel is gone. He won't ever wake up again and light up the world with his infectious smile. He'll never greet us with a tight hug again. He'll never tell me with an earnest smile that he believes in me and can't wait to see my aspirations take wing. Daniel is gone but his memory, his hopes and wishes, still lingers behind.

My mom and I talked about the future the other day, about what we need to do in order to prepare for the days ahead. She tells me I need to have another plan, to get my CLS license in case I don't get into med school this next year. It's always good to have a contingency plan but in the wake of this tragedy, I can feel that determination welling up inside me. I have to honor his memory by becoming the best person I can be, the person Daniel always said I would become.

Daniel believed I could do it. I was always the one who thought I couldn't.
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Mar. 10th, 2015

rima, default

i need to get out of here

This round of rejection hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

Granted, there is still one left, but let us be realisitic here: it's not going to happen.

Where did I go wrong? Reading through admissions help weblogs had me thinking about it. My grades are not stellar, my MCAT score is minimal and my experiences on paper seem paltry. Is that really the only ways you can be a successfull applicant?

I did everything by myself. No, I never went to the pre-med advisor because I was told I didn't need to. Perhaps in assuming that my academic advisor, who both knew my end goals, would assist me in more than just my major advising, I've sold myself short.

I come from a family of health care providers. I've cared for more people from engineering accidents more than anything. My grandparents are elderly and in need of assistance. I'm finishing up a masters' degree in bacterial pathogenesis with an thesis heavily steeped in clinical work.  But when it comes to paper, that's all that matters. I know more physicians, physical therapists, social workers, and nurses than the average pre-med advisor--how could it all mean nothing?

Because it's not on paper. Because I don't like to exploit my connections to people who have loved me unconditionally. Because I've devoted the last six years to living and retaining an experience, rather than becoming another standard applicant to a steadily growing pool of mediocracy and singularity.

I keep telling myself that life experiences are more valuable than the number of doctors I've shadowed on paper or how high my grades are. I keep telling myself that I am more well-rounded than the norm because I've chosen to accept the world's challenges and rise above them. I keep telling myself that I am worth more than any rejection I'll receive this year.

Because I am. Even if it takes me another year, two years, three years, to get in, I'll do it. Failure builds character. These other kids I've grown up with, who are already in their third, fourth, residency years, what have they done in their lifetimes?

Ask them. They'll tell you the same things every other pre-med tells you. I went on a mission trip. I served the poor. I shadowed so many physicians and learned so much! i volunteered at a clinic.

How many of them performed for the masses? How many of them have traveled the world? How many of them have a masters' degree? How many of them have mentored students, volunteered for social and cultural organizations, spoken to the researchers that built the foundations of the very medicine they practice? How many of them have been one of those researchers for longer than a year?

I can't be angry because I brought this unfortunate, ill-preparedness on myself. But I can be angry at the people who tell me I'm more worthless than the norm.

Because I'm not.
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Jan. 2nd, 2015

rima, default

[ficlet] little pawns

title. little pawns
author. callista miralni
series. magi
pairing. sutble jukou, alikou
rating. teen
summary. we're all just pawns on a chessboard. AU but contains spoilers up to Night 250.
author's note. I've had this idea rolling about in my head for the past week so I thought I'd give it a go with a one-shot. I may continue/rewrite this as a full length fic once I have more concrete ideas.

little pawnsCollapse )

Jan. 1st, 2015

rima, default

the great blogilates diary

I have especially struggled with my health in the last six years, most of it due in part to stress from school. After graduating with my bachelor's things seemed to get better health wise until a little after I started grad school and suffered an abscess in my leg. I couldn't exercise, which had been keeping my hormones in balance, and then things in school piled up to the point where it became impossible to keep up with everything.

A lot of it has to do with my poor time management and my inability to sacrifice the things I enjoy for the things I must accomplish. After I finish C.C. and Lelouch, I will sadly be on hiatus from cosplay until May.

In the meantime, I am focusing on writing my thesis, doing things for school, and hopefully, sitting down for med school interviews. Personally, I am logging off almost all of my social media, except for tumblr and LiveJournal.. I can't say I'm swearing off writing until May because sometimes that's the only thing keeping me sane as I complete the final year of my studies.

I'm hoping this will make me a better person. When I was just starting college, I relied so heavily on facebook to keep me connect to the people I know. However, facebook doesn't actually say anything about your relationships with people. After going through a near mental breakdown in the fall and dealing with a struggle between maintaining a personal versus a professional relationship with people, I've decided that my boundaries from the moment I started college were set for a very specific reason.

It's easy to become swept up in people, to go along with their flow until it becomes impossible to distinguish yourself from the others. I used to be good at maintaining myself, and while I don't regret meeting the people I did in college, sometimes I wonder if I would have met my goals sooner if I hadn't been so caught up in them. When I went to grad school, I vowed not to make the same mistake but here I am, a year later, with broken friendships I don't even know where to begin repairing because of this battle between personal and professional relationship. I'm so uncertain about my future and I can't believe I was stupid enough to let myself become swept up in someone else's flow yet again.

This entry is titled "the great blogilates diary" for a reason. I'm hoping physical exertion will temper me, divert my negative emotions in a productive manner. Today, I started day one of the beginner's 2.0 calendar and the 30 day ab challenge. I drank a glass of water. It was hard, but muscle memory for sporadically starting and stopping exercise routines started kicking in.

No one reads my LiveJournal, which makes it ideal for this sort of documentation. Sometimes, I think sharing fitness and nutrition daily is narcissitic despite the high correlation between maintaining a routine and sharing it via social media.

So here is to me. 2015 is the year I decide to be selfish and focus on fixing myself before I destroy everything around me I hold dear.

Tags: ,

Dec. 2nd, 2014

food baby, lazy

[teaser] cold | the world so far

I've gotten a number of reviews begging me to continue writing and update soon. While I am thrilled people are still invested in my little plot bunny, I hate to admit that as much as I want to write and update and finish this story, I may not be able to do so in a timely fashion. I have to write my master's thesis by the end of April and that must take priority over anything else. Without my thesis, I cannot graduate and move on to med school.

To be honest, I do know how it will end and I am working on achieving that finale. Cold will end in five chapters--seventeen is a fitting number of chapters. That was how old I was when I started writing it. It only seems right that as I finish this chapter of my life and prepare to move to the next stage, Cold will end as well.

But enough of the sad things. Here is a short teaser directly from my notes to tide you over:

[Spoiler (click to open)]
"I"m sorry," Konan whispered, a single tear streaking down her face. "I am so, so sorry."

He gasped and breathed no more.


I am hoping to get Chapter 13 finished and 14 started by winter break! Wish me luck, ne?

May. 18th, 2014

rima, default

[teaser] wedding dress

Just to prove that I am very much alive and still writing

teaser - wedding dressCollapse )

May. 2nd, 2014

rima, default

[nothing on you] canton

It's a little weird coming back to Canton after so much time has passed. Since the last time I came here, new chapters of nothing on you have been written, chapters that are heavily based in Canton.

I'm driving to my cousins' house, the inspiration for the Harunos' home. I'm going to U of M tomorrow for graduation, a scene I'll be writing in the future. On Sunday, I'm hoping to visit the Arctic Edge arena and go to open skate, the same place where Sasuke took Sakura to escape during Christmas.

It's weird but good.

Apr. 27th, 2014

food baby, lazy

[procrastination] the things of graduate school

I've been meaning to write a post like this forever and what better time to do so than the day before a major paper is due when I've only got half of it handwritten?

queen of procrastination right here

So here it is, Callie's top ten items that make grad school a hell lot easier:

  1. iPad Mini: Yeah okay. I got the first generation before the fancy-schmancy Retina display came out. But beggars can't be choosers and who am I to turn down 64GBs of free? My parents bought me this as an undergrad graduation present because I was still using the very first iPad. It's my go-to for bedtime reading and note-taking, for casual browsing and on-the-go photo editing. It's the only digital device I take with me when I travel abroad.

  2. Logitech Bluetooth Keyboard for iPad Mini: A girl in my P.Chem class had one of these with her Mini and I knew that if I got one, I had to have this. The keys are generously sized and it has a slot to prop up my Mini. Absolutely essential for writing up papers or fanfiction because the on-screen keyboard may be a hair too small to use.

  3. Adonit Jot Pro Stylus: I love handwritten notes but carrying paper is such a burden sometimes. Using my Mini as a notepad is fantastic and I was an avid collector of styli for the longest time. The Jot Pro is my go-to stylus right now (thinking about upgrading to the Script) but it's closely followed by the Pogo Sketch.

  4. Moleskine Notebooks: Oh come on. When in college, right? I love the Moleskine notebooks, not just because they are a classy accessory, but because just holding one makes me feel productive. My favorite is the soft cover notebooks, closely followed by the extra large cahier series. I write study guides in the cahiers that are priceless and utterly indispensable. I bought a soft-cover notebook to scribble down notes for my thesis.

  5. MacBook Air: Honestly, this should be at the top of the list. Every student needs a laptop. My parents bought me this as a birthday present last summer to upgrade me from my aluminum MacBook. It's fast, responsive, and makes syncing between my Mini and iPhone so easy.

  6. Canon SL1 DSLR: Okay, so this seems like an odd item to have. I'm a scientist--what the hell am I going to be doing with a DSLR? To be perfectly honest, my thesis is very visual so having a good camera around makes life a lot easier.

  7. Bamboo Wacom Tablet: You know, to make working in Lightroom and Photoshop easier? I have the Pen and Touch edition of the first Bamboo tablet. It's a basic Wacom tablet, but it has all the features I need to make prettying up those photographs for publications painless. No more finger cramps over the trackpad!

  8. HP All-in-One DeskJet Printer: It copies, it scans, it prints in color and black and white. The only thing it doesn't do is print wirelessly but I can fix that with an AirPort Express. Oh, and it doesn't automatically feed but who cares?

  9. PlayStation 3: Netflix, Crunchyroll, Redbox, Kingdom Hearts. For the days when you can't physically strangle someone so you kill Heartless or yell obscenities at the television.

  10. iPhone 5c: Have you figured out I like Apple products? My phone is my GPS, my iPod, my point-and-shoot, and the only connection I have with the world at large sometimes. Oh and those EarPod headphones make tuning out people easy. Really easy.

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